i was born a porn star she said
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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