If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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