If i come over, it means nothing
Umm I'm too high to move.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
