i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
