i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
