Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
