half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
