he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize