remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
