kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
