My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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