so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
