the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
