I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
