You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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