he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Randomize
