I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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