it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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