You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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