Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
