Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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