I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize