I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Im part way to drunk.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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