I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I know her cup size but not her name....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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