I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
