he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
