Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
