Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
