dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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