Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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