I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
