Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
