party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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