She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
