If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
