You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
