I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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