These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize