I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize