You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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