Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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