i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
