you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
