4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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