well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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