his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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