I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
