Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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