is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
