What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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