What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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