What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
