Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
