Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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