I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
