Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
