you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my being single is dangerous.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
