i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
