Do you still have your period?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Your cock deserves a montage
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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