Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
