I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
