Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
