I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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