I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize