the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
