Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
