guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize