I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
