You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
