More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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