So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
