He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize