i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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