planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
